Everything Happens for a Reason

          “Sometimes the things we can’t change end up in changing us”. These words make a lot sense to me as I think about what happened to me. We can never change our fate. We all wanted our life to be the most perfect. But all things happened as he says. He has his plans for us for the better. But I’m pretty sure that He’ll never give us problems that we can’t handle. I just think of that every difficulty we’ll tackle have a lesson that we can learn from.  A lesson telling us “It is never too late to become what you might be”

                
           I have been through struggles in life that made me stronger enough to keep myself rise again. A struggle that change me to a better individual.

               
          I’m admitting I’m one of the bad girls in this world. But we all know we do bad things sometimes. Base on how they act in front of me I can say that they hate me particularly my attitude. I’m quite rude towards my real parents and hard headed in most of the things they want for me.  I’m also a lazy, selfish, and improvident girl. These are just some of the characteristics for me that was already stated in their minds. What hurts the most is that they never asked or talked to me why I’m acting like this. They just believe on what they see. Only one person did this simple way to me. My only father, Tatay Gil, who really understands the real me. He knows that I’m just tired to change things they were used to. When all this time of trying all they see is still the bad side of me. I’m just a person. I also feel tired somehow.

               
          Just like me, my father got tired of fighting back. He leaves me no other word other than “Pasensiya ka na anak lumalaban naman ako. Hindi ko na lang talaga kaya”.  This is the bad experience in my life that leads me to a better world. I’ve never dreamed of it to happen but I have no choice. Everyone will come to that point someday but not now. We all know it takes time to heal all the scars that we have. Pain will always be there before you learn to live again. It takes time to accept the truth and let go. But when you’re already done you’ll be a different person living in a new kind of world. This world give me ideas not to be afraid of change because of losing something good. Think of that you may earn something better. At that time, I realized me to pursue what I really want and start showing the right things they have mistaken. I remember what he said when he talked to me “Ipakita mo kung sino ka talaga. Huwag kang mahiya sa sasabihin ng iba. Ikaw yan at wala nang iba pa”.  These advice gave me a hint to start my fake life to the real one.

                
          I decided to release the real me.  To burst all the hard feelings I’ve been keeping all this time. To minimize the bad actions towards other people. To show that I’m not that kind of person and to prove that I’m one of the best and unique girl in this world. But not the perfect one because I believe no one is perfect.  I will change to a better one not for him, for them, for anyone else but for myself. Because I know this will give me a brighter future that will show the hidden beautiful part of myself that I’ve been hiding all this years. But just like I said all the things you want to happen take time. Meaning I’m still on my progress of doing it. But I can say that I’ve already minimize my bad habits. In just a few steps I’m done with it.  I’m on the half way of it and I promise I’ll complete my progress no matter what. 

         Now I knew my decision of changing wasn't bad at all . Though I'm not yet completing it I can feel the difference of before and now. For all of us, I just want to tell you that there's nothing wrong about changing. It may seem to be hard for the start but I'm sure at the end it will give us price that you've never thought. For all my time of progressing my goal, I learned and understand the meaning of this "Nothing ever become real till it is experienced, Even a proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it."

               

The HARDEST One....

                “TO BE OR NOT  TO BE” are hard choices that everybody of us encounter. These choices can make us better or mostly worst.  It’s really hard to choose even though you know which the right one is. Most of the times we always choose the wrong one because we thought it could be the correct one. We can’t blame anybody else because it’s your decision. You may have their opinion but still it will end up on you. Whether you like it or not, you still need to have a choice. See, it’s always connected to your life simply because life is a matter of choices. This is one of the quotes that strike my heart is “Life starts from B to D. It starts from Birth to Death. But what between B and D is C. It’s a choice because our life is a matter of choices”. These quotes and choice made my life unexplainable crazy one. At that point of my life, I encountered hardest key continue my life again which is “TO BE OR NOT TO BE”. You may say that my life revolves again and again with this idea but I can’t help it because it’s the only incident in my life that made me choose to be a better student. But the question is did I had the right choice?

               

                It was 108 days ago when I felt the most painful feeling in this world. I was very excited the day before that. I was so happy that you can see my smile and excitement can’t be removed all day. I was so proud to tell to my friends the good news that I have. They were all glad for my news. I can feel the concern that they have. I never had worries that day. I never thought of something bad. My life that day was at peace and calm. I actually stayed to my Ninang’s house for a while to express my gratitude for taking care of me once in a while. I never assumed that it will be the last. I was just watching a movie all night long beside him. I slept around 4 am because of that but in just 30 minutes I woke up and that was the last time I saw him open the best eyes I ever seen. My best dad, boyfriend, friend, guide, teacher and so on and so for let go. My favorite buddy was gone and never coming back in this kind of world.

                

               The tears fell from my eyes but I’m still in denial with the truth. I pleased my sister to bring him to the hospital because something inside of me is telling that he is still alive. I have a lot trust in God and I really do believe in him. I know that he never fails my expectation and I know when something bad or good will happen. My heart acts in a strange way when something bad will happen but my hearts stays so calm that’s why I believed that he’s still with me but the truth stabs me too deep. I heard an unexpected truth that he is not with us anymore. I can’t stop crying. I can’t even catch my breath. My mind stop working and all I know is that I was like leaving alone in this planet we called earth.

                 

             My life really changes to a dark one after that incident. It was the time choices came to my life. Choices like I need to die or to live my life again, I need to fight or show that I’m weak, and I have to accept or just to live with it . These were just ONE of the CHOICES I have. I was too crazy thinking of what should I do and I really don’t know if I need to. Whenever I have my choice my past was pulling me to be distracted. It was like a voice behind telling me you don’t have to make a decision just stay what you are but a voice from my father telling I have to and not I chose to because it’s a different one. It was really hard to make a decision when all along you already wanted to lose the fight. When you already want to give up even though you have to fight. When you need to be strong but you know your past makes you very weak. It was really difficult to build yourself again when you know that your strength, power, inspiration was already lost.  Months passed by before I actually decided what to do in my life. I’ve decided to do the promise I told to him before that I will rise myself again where I was supposed to be. I will build the girl who was built by him. I will return the girl who was once on the top.

               

               I as student applied “TO BE OR NOT TO BE” when my father died because that was the point that I really don’t have a care about my school especially in my grades. I was not studying that time. I got very low grades in exams and I don’t care. I just dance with the music. My life was no direction and my parents, sister and brothers were just like me because they don’t care what’s happening around us when he was gone. My decision is to be one of the intelligent, happy, cheerful and industrious student once again rather than pulling myself to be down and this is the part where I applied that quote. I didn’t chose the decision of entering this school, cheating, bullying, being hard headed student and many other more because it’s very common for a student to apply it that’s why I think of the unusual things that happened to me and this came up. Now, my question is not still answered even though I already had my choice. I can never can tell if it’s the right one until I finish my studies and if nothing goes wrong. Then, we will see the result if it’s the best choice I ever had.  

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

English is one of the most amiable to learn

It is only the subject that has unique concern

Because it gives a different fortune in return

And provide a lot of lessons in life that you can earn

I was really an enemy of English before

But now, that most of the teachers know how to explore

I was captivated and triggered to learn more

And I promise that I won’t ignore it anymore

Learning unknown deep words in spelling was wonderful

It makes your sentences colorful and meaningful

It gives you idea to present it powerful

And make you realize that English is really useful

Romeo and Juliet gave me a hint about loving

It may not only tackle love but also fighting

It also revolved on the honor they’re guarding

But the whole story end up on both of them dying

One of my favorite topics is idiomatic expression

People may had a different interpretation

But the truth is it has a hidden information

That can be used to everyone as a description

English can be understand in many other way

It only depends on how people use it to say

Because they have their own choice anyway

But for sure they will use it every day or someday