My Life in 3rd Year Doesn't Sucks

                At first, I thought my high school life sucks. Full of home works, projects and paper works. It feels like it will never end. No freedom and free time at all. A huge difference when we were in elementary. Maybe I’m not yet ready at that time. Maybe I’m not used to that kind of responsibility that’s why most of time I complain. I complain because the high school life that I thought has a huge difference from what I experienced. My high school life is different from what my family tells me. Base on them it is the most memorable, happy and best.  But my high school life is about work.  My high school life is just all about studies. My high school life was not fun at all. However, I think I’m used to it now especially that my 3^rd year in my school changes everything. Of all the year I think my 3^rd year fulfill all my expectations that’s why I can say my high school life doesn’t sucks anymore instead perfect.

                

              Being a 3^rd year student is the best. I can prove it and I’m proud to tell it to everyone. I’m not afraid what other teacher will say because what I say is a fact. A fact that 3^rd year life is really the best. We learn new things. We learn a lot especially in English Class. I learn a lot in our English Class. I’m so thankful I had a teacher someone like her, Ma’am Mildred C. Atendido. She’s not just a teacher but a mother as well. A mother who never let her son and daughter give up because I’m one of them.

                 

            It’s really fun to attend her class. You will never feel bored especially when she starts to give advices. You can really feel that everything she says is from her heart. That everything she tells you is for your own good. And when it comes to the way she teaches us. You can really say that she has her own style just like this blog. She was the very first to try a different style of having our informal theme. That moment I really told myself “Wow! She is really a good teacher”. And another thing about her is that she really reads our blogs or informal themes unlike others students does that. Other experiences I had with her are Romeo and Juliet, Jazz Chant, Radio story, the one we heard on radios and the Conventional Speech Choir. With all those things I learned a lot. I learned how hard to control everyone. How hard to fix everything. How hard to make one of those activities. But without those experiences we won’t be leader. We won’t be developed. We will know nothing. And with all those activities I knew we were not just students.  Because we are really a family who gives hand to each other.

                

               I can really prove how important and memorable our English class is because besides those things this class taught me to be real. The teacher who holds this class taught me to fight. Without this class maybe I’m still on that darkness. Maybe I’m still there letting problems took me down. Without her advices in class, without her care to students like me and without her love for I think we learn nothing because her sincerity conquers all. Her sincerity give students hope that when trying is worth fighting for.

                

              I just want to add something about the teacher who taught us to be a good leader and do everything at the middle of the fight. The very first time I met you I knew there was something about you. I really told myself “You are someone that I need. You are someone that I wish could be part of my life”. I’m not kidding Ma’am because this is the truth. I knew that there is something beneath you that I wish my family can have. I know you know my story and I’m proud of that because somehow you understand me. Ma’am I don’t know how to thank you. But I’ll just do it in a way I can show it somehow. THANK YOU MA’AM FOR BEING A TEACHER AND PARENTS SOMEHOW. I wish you will not change. I wish you’ll still be there for me even I’m not your student anymore. Your English Class, advices, teaching and you change my life. And I didn’t expect this to happen especially that I thought my high school life sucks. So Ma’am, I really had a great time in your class. Especially the experiences you gave. Now, I can really say my high school doesn’t sucks.

                 

               

               

Im Sorry For What I Did

Dear Mama and Papa,

                Here I am again sincerely saying sorry for all the bad things I’ve done to you. I know I hurt you a lot but then I’m trying to fix things up. I know how hard this could be but I’ll do my best to make everything back to normal. I’m really sorry for all the troubles and pain I brought to you. I know that I shouldn’t do that to you because you are my parents but I guess I failed again. I know I am a bad daughter to you but just like I told  before that I will change who I am just to fix the mess I made.

                After all these years I know it’s been too late but then I want to apologize for my mistake. I shouldn’t judge or misinterpret the sacrifices you made for me. I shouldn’t have closed my heart for you. I shouldn’t make you suffer this much. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe if  I didn’t do all those things everything now seems perfect. Everything may seem magical. However, I can’t turn back time. I can’t undo the past. I can’t remove all those nonsense memories. Because all those things will be remembered forever and the only thing that I can do is just to admit my mistakes and get ready to make amends with it. I still believe all these thing will be fix because I believe that “No act is too small” meaning it may change something. Even for a little.

                Ma and Pa I know it’s hard to forget everything in the past until the present but then I hope you can accept the apology I’m asking for you so that I can have time to make things right and never do it again. I know it’s hard but I’m sincerely sorry for those. I’m really sorry for hurting you that much. I am really sorry for being such a bad stupid daughter. I know I don’t deserve any from you because I’m worthless that’s why I won’t expect any from you because I admit it’s my fault that’s why I take the challenge and risk for my mistake. I’m ready of what could you do to me because I know I deserves those. I know I need those. But then I just want to tell you that I’m sincerely sorry for the bad and stupid things I acted toward s you. I know how hard this could be that’s why I’m starting to clear things up to you. Again, I’m very very very very sorry. I’m not hoping for a right away forgiveness because I know that it will take time to heal all the wounds that you have. I’m really sorry Ma and Pa but still don’t forget that I miss you both and I love you too.

I AM THAT SPECIAL

                God made us with different flying colors. He made us with our own uniqueness. He gave as our own ability and capability. These things pertain to one word and that describes who we are. We are special. However, being special is not that easy because sometimes you still doubt if you are one of those. But then someday you’ll know why you are special and that’s my target for this day to answer Why Am I Special? In what way Am I Special?

                

                I believe that I’m SPECIAL. Jecielyn Keith B. Acosta is really special. I’m special because I’m a son of God and also because I have my own style of showing who I am. However, that’s not what made me special maybe just a part of it. What really made me special is the way how I control my temper. I know when to show it and when it is not. I know how to handle it properly so that things won’t turn to worst. I’m really the kind of person who doesn’t show what I feel especially if it’s anger. If there are times that a situation made me mad I don’t usually show it to other people especially if it’s not worth it or it’s useless. Whenever I’m mad I just pause for a while, talk to my friends and just let it go. Sometimes others are telling me why are you not getting mad? I really don’t why. I just have the ability to control it because I believe being mad is not an answer to the problems that you have. Whenever my friends are mad with someone’s attitude I just tell them just let them they’ll get tired later and do what is right. I remember one time my best friend told me “Magalit ka naman kahit minsan sobrang bait mo kasi” at that time I just smile and laugh. I know it’s a right and a wrong thing. A right thing because things gets better and a wrong thing because sometimes I just hide my anger and let it go for a while which is literally wrong. But then for me hiding it for a while doesn’t bother me anyways because once I let go it everything is alright. Everything is back to normal. Because whenever I fake being mad nothing changes I just end it up laughing. This is what made me special. I can control my anger because I believe getting mad will make the things worst.

                 

             No matter what happens we are all special. Even we do bad things we are still special. Even are life is worst we are still special. Because being special is built in meaning it’s with you all along. We can never learn how to be special we can just develop being special. Just remember that “Being special is a gift. A gift that can’t be taken from you.”

               

My Painful Precious Letter

                Ma pa hindi dito natatapos ung ginawa ko kasi marami pa po akong gustong sabihin sa inyo. Maraming marami pa. Kaya sana pakinggan niyo po ang bawat sasabihin ko. Nobela ito Ma Pa pero kailangan niyo po kasing marinig. Hindi lang po ito para sa akin para din po sa inyo.

                

             Ma and Pa since this is this is the first time that I will tell you what I feel. I’ll make it to the fullest. I know this will make you cry but I want you to be ready. I want to tell you these things before I say thanks to you because this will make me free from all the pain I’ve been keeping all these years. I want you to know all the problems that I have and all my problems that I have with you. I really don’t plan of telling you this but I think I’ve kept it for a long time and I think it’s a wrong decision because keeping these things from you won’t give us a nice relationship that’s why I decided to tell you these things. But get ready of what can I say because I know this will hurt you a lot. I’m sorry but I need to do these.  I need to do these because it will help you to understand me. I’m sorry again.

                Ma and Pa alam ko hindi ako naging mabuting anak but you know I tried my best. I’m sorry if I treat you a different way I treat Nanay and Tatay. Now, I’ll tell you all the reasons why do I have that kind of treatment. First, they took care of me. They were the one who is always there beside me. I know it’s not your fault. I know you are in Hong Kong for me but you can’t blame me because I thought they were my real parents that’s why it was so hard for me to keep in my mind that they were not because we’ve been living for so many years until you came. There is a lot of adjustment that I need to do. A lot of things to cope up and besides you treat me a different one. Ma do you remember the time when you ask me sinong mas mahal ko sa inyong dalawa? I didn’t answer because I don’t want you to get hurt but now I’m taking the risk. I love her more than you. I’m sorry but I need to tell you these so that someday I’ll love you both with same rate. I love her more because I never understand why you never agreed to what I say. I’ll give you examples ma. You know that I’m I really love dresses, shoes, accessories and all the things that a woman wears. Ma and Pa I just want to ask you question why do you always disagree on things I like bakit hindi pwedeng maging simpleng gusto mo niyan ung tanong. Bakit kailangan ang lagi mong sasabihin damit nanaman yan wala ka na bang ibang bibilhin. Ma and Pa it hurts me a lot because that’s the only thing I’ve been asking from you. That’s the only thing I’ve been wanting for. Simply dresses but you can’t give it to me right away. There will always be questions. Pero bakit pag dating sa kuya ko wala kang sinasabi Ma. I know Pa will ask the same question to my brother but it will not be as cruel as mine. Ma I was never been jealous of my brother never. But then I used to ask myself why you treat him a different way you treat me. I can feel it Ma. Sabihin mo man o hindi ramdam ko. When I was child I can still understand why you buy him gadgets I can tolerate that because I’m still a kid now I’m asking you Ma why? Whenever I buy clothes you always tell me may pera ka naman diyan ikaw na bumili but it when it come to my brother you’ll say he has no money even though he has. You’ll just buy me clothes when I begged you to buy me but if I won’t I’ll end up buying on my own. Ma do you know what’s the impact of this kind of treatment? Nabuhay akong takot na magtanong sa inyo because I’ll know I’ll end up hearing hurtful words from you that’s why I’ve decide I just save money so that I can buy what I want. Even though I’m hungry I won’t eat just to save money because I’m afraid to my parents.  This teaches me a good and bad thing. A good thing because I learn not to depend on you whenever I want to buy something and a bad thing because I’m always afraid of my parents.

                Ma do you know how much courage I take just to ask you something. Especially when it comes to money about school because whenever I ask you money regarding bout school the first sentence that I’ll here for you bayarin nanaman wala na akong pera. Then you’ll ask me again hindi ba binigyan na kita ng pera.  At first I’ll take positively but then it hurts me again because I think I was robbing my mother’s money though I’m not. Ma you don’t know how hard I tried to manage my money just to fit it for the whole month. If I just have enough money I won’t ask for your help because I don’t want to get hurt. Again Ma I’m asking you why do you treat me this way? I know when my brother ask you money you’ll just ask him where do you need it and how much. Maybe I’m wrong with this sometimes but I know I’m always right. Ma I don’t know  if it’s favoritism but I used not to care anymore because I have Nanay and Tatay and that’s where I get my strength whenever you make me weak. Ma I’m used to these things right now but still I’m hurting myself too much. Ma I know you have a reason and I know that reason. I know my brother was sick when he was a baby and doctors in Hong Kong don’t know how to cure him that’s why he went to the Philippines. I know he might die but can I ask you a question is it my fault? Is it my fault that my brother  will die. Hindi ko kasalanan iyon ma. Wala akong kinalaman kaya sana kung ito man yung dahilan mo sana isipin mo din ako minsan. But in this case I never complain. You never heard me complain never. I just bear all the pain cause that’s the best thing I can ever do.

                 

               There’s another one that made me so mad at you. Do you remember when Tatay was in the hospital Nanay told me she was asking money for you because I know she has no money at all but what did you do? You told her you don’t have money even though you have.  Did you know I cried that time because I never thought my mother was that harsh? I know your money is for us pero Ma ung taong humihingi ng tulong  sa inyo ay ung taong nag-alaga saakin sa buong buhay ko. Did you ever think of that? At that time I cried to my friends. I told them ang sakit sakit dahil ung magulang ko hindi matulungan yung taong ang laki laki ng tulong na binigay sa kanya. I told them if I just have money my Nanay won’t ask help from her. I really hated you that time Ma because you showed you’re real color. But then you change your mind because my brother ask you to lend her money but that didn’t change what I thought of you because I thought you were better than that but you’re not. Hindi ba nagalit ka pa sa akin nung mga panahon na yon? You said that why do I always go to the hospital when you are here in the Philippines. Ma have you ever think of that question? My Tatay might die anytime that time and I am very worried what did you do instead of giving me comfort Ikaw at si Papa pinagalitan ako. I hated you for being like that because you never cared for other maybe you cared but not that much.

                 

            Ma why do you trust other people than us? This is related to Lolo Louie. Why do you need to trust him that much when you don’t know what is really happening? Why do you trust him more than your children? Don’t you know he’s been lying for all those times but then believe him than believing us? You even scolded Nanay for just a little misunderstanding. Nagalit ako sa inyo noon Ma kasi you are so clueless you believe people who lie to you. These makes me hate you more and lost respect for you because you never value what other people say you just believe on yourself and never consider other’s advice. Akala mo lagi ikaw yung tama. But you know Ma most of the people around you hate that kind of attitude they just don’t have the courage to tell you but no I’m doing it because I know this will be for the better. Ma I hope you can change that attitude because it will make you better.

                

             Ma and Pa I want to ask you why am I always rejected to you? This is all about the college thingy. You know that I really wanted to study in La Salle but then when you knew it was a Trimester and the tuition fee is eighty thousand why do immediately say na hindi niyo ko kayang pag-aralin doon. Ma why can’t you even say that na gusto mo ba talaga don? Sige kung yoon talaga ang gusto mo kahit mahirap gagawin namin. Why can’t you say that? Why when it come to you I always receive a NO reply but when it comes to my brother’s college issue he got an approval right away though the tuition fee is ranging to fifty to seventy thousand pesos. Is that even fair Ma and Pa. I’m tired of fighting back. Tired of making my life better than before. All I ever do was following what you want but then did you ever do what I want? I think you don’t even try. I might have the wrong perception but my heart and mind was too hurt that they can’t even think of nice things right now because the pain is too much.

                 

            Ma and Pa these will be the last problem I have with you. Want to know why I love Tatay that much that when he died I lost everything? Because he never rejected me. He never complains of what I do. He never scolds me for all the things I do. He just always supports me because he trusts me that much. Whenever I ask money from him he’ll just give me. Whenever I buy clothes he never gets mad instead he’ll be happy for me. He trusts me that much that he doesn’t need to ask me anything. These is the reason why I love that much because I can be the person that I am whenever I’m with him but then when he died a part of that person also dies. Ma and Pa did you ever ask me if I’m alright? Did you ask how I am? I think you didn’t. So, how could I show love and care for you if I can’t feel the same way from you. I hope you understand what I mean.

                 

            Ma and Pa I know it hurts you a lot hearing all these things but then I’m telling you this will make us free. These are all the things that I’ve keeping all these years. I just hope you know what to do right now and I just want to add something if you want to know me more ask me because that’s one thing you lack. You don’t know me that much. Maybe even my favorite color. The only thing you know is my name, my birth date and place, where do I live. Meaning these are the things that everyone knows. That’s why if you want to know your real daughter try to mingle with me because that’s what I’ve been waiting for and try not to see all the wrong things I’ve been doing. Try to see all the good things that I did for you because you have never saw that before. I hope you understand right now and I hope you’ll change because right now that’s what I’ve planning to do so that I can give you the satisfaction and affection you have been waiting for all this years. I know thing will be different from now on because you know what I feel but then I hope that you don’t expect too much because it won’t be that easy that’s why we should take it easy but at least you know the reason why I am acting this way. I just ask for your trust Ma and Pa. Just give me trust.

Ma and Pa doon na po natatapos ang lahat ng hinain ko sa inyo. Alam kong masakit miski naman po ako nasasaktan pero kailangan ko po itong gawin bago pa po mahuli ang lahat. Pero ngayon Ma and Pa papangitiin ko na kayo. Pakinggan niyo po ang sasabihin ko.

                 

            Ma and Pa you know I’m not the kind of person who used to tell her feeling. I’m not the kind of daughter who tells the words that every parent wants to hear. I’m also not the kind of daughter who used to hug and kiss you every day. I just only show this to you to actions and seldom to letters. But then I want to tell you that you’re the best parents that I have. I might not show you my real feelings but now I’m planning to do it. I’m so happy I had parents like you who could tolerate all the things that I do. I’m the luckiest daughter in this world for having a parent like you who could sacrifice everything they have just to support and make their children’s life better.  I know it is hard to be away from us but then you do it. You worked so hard just to give us the life that you’ve been dreaming of. You gave us all the things we need though we got to problems sometimes still you never give up on us especially on me. Even though I’m so hard headed you still try to be patient. I was really amazed how you can all do these things and make everything fell better when it is really not.

                 

             Ma and Pa I want to tell you that I’ll change things that weren’t supposed to be. I’ll try my best to do all the things that you want. I won’t complain as long as I know we are on the right track. I’ll be the best lovable daughter that I should be. I’ll do the things that I should been doing all the past years. I’m sorry that it was been a while before I got the courage to do these thing. But now here I am doing the right thing that I should do from the very start. I’m really proud that you became my parents. I now understand why these problems were given to us because maybe this will make us learn things that we never knew were right. I’m very thankful that God gave me you. Even you didn’t take care of me I still care and love you both. It’s just been so long before I gave you the chance that I should gave you from the very start. I shouldn’t keep all those things from you but then I don’t regret those things Ma and Pa because I know that it will be better soon because I believe everything has a reason and maybe those problems will lead us to a happy living family.

                 

              Ma and Pa I know that this is the first time that you will hear these words from me. I know it been too long but I hope I’m not too late. Again, I want to tell you how blessed I am to have you as my parents. I might think some of the things wrong but then I hope you understand me. Everything will be better soon I promise. I hope both of you are just alright in Hong Kong. Ma and Pa always take care of yourself. Don’t worry about us will be okay. Just take care of yourself and don’t work too much. I’m sorry for all those things. Always take care. Remember that even I seldom tell you this, it will always be forever. I missed you both and I love you so much. Thank you for everything that you have done. I love you both remember this.